The end of the affair?
Cartoon Network, what’s happening to you?
We used to get along so well. I’ve always loved you so, and you - in your own way - showed me love in return. But, you’ve changed. I’m writing this open letter to you to try and save our relationship, a relationship that means a lot to me.
I can well remember the first time I laid eyes on you. As a lifelong cartoon fan, I was in heaven to find such compatibility, and though I’m sure you had no idea I existed, you made me very happy. Those heady days when I was falling in love with you are peppered with fond memories of 2 Stupid Dogs, Cow & Chicken, Dexter’s Lab, I Am Weasel, and the late night joy of Space Ghost Coast to Coast. Over the years you’ve given me so much to love, what with Sheep in the Big City, Johnny Bravo, The Powerpuff Girls, Samurai Jack, The Justice League, Duck Dodgers, Camp Lazlo, Time Squad, and of course the beautiful brilliance that is Foster’s Home for Imaginary Friends. When you presented me with a diamond in the form of Adult Swim, that cemented my devotion. Though I still miss the weirdness that was Oh Canada at times, the strange wonders of The Brak Show, Harvey Bidrman, Home Movies, Sealab 2021, Squidbillies, Perfect Hair Forever, The Venture Brothers, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, and Mission Hill - not to mention the reruns of Family Guy and Futurama - have kept me happy while I battled the usual nightly bouts of insomnia.
To be fair, there have been moments where I’ve doubted my complete devotion before. You bore me from time to time with such offerings as Mike, Lu & Og, Ed, Edd & Eddy, and Whatever Happened to Robot Jones, but even with those I will still choose you over many other channels. Some of my doubts have been proven wrong over time, so I can forgive you a few boring moments here and there. I have learned to love Courage the Cowardly Dog, The Grim Adventures of Billy & Mandy, Teen Titans, Codename: Kids Next Door, Tom Goes to the Mayor, Robot Chicken, Hi Hi Puffy Amiyumi, and Juniper Lee. I even discovered a place in my heart for anime with the epic story of Fullmetal Alchemist. (And yes, I will admit that I’ve enjoyed InuYasha a time or two.)
As in any long term relationship, there are things about you that I feel we need to work on a bit. Whenever you’re around little kids, your mentality goes to such schmaltzy pap as Muppet Babies, Captain Planet, and Krypto The Superdog when I’m sure there are better choices out there. I realize at those times it’s not me you’re trying to reach and it’s just a quirk of your personality that you have trouble treating kids as though they have a brain, so I try to be forgiving. You have, in the past, been guilty of spending too much time with old standards like Scooby Doo, The Flinstones, and the myriad sappy Land Before Time movies. But even without my complaining to you, in the last few years these transgressions have not been so great, and since your friend Boomerang appeared on the scene, many of the old (and bad) Hanna-Barbera toons have stayed at his place instead. I don’t know if I’ll ever recover from some betrayals completely - Totally Spies, Super Milk-Chan and 12 Oz. Mouse come to mind - but I’ve always felt that in time I could work through it.
However.
Lately there have been moments where I feel like this love affair might be coming to an end, as sad as I am to say. Recent selections for the Cartoon Theater have really rubbed me the wrong way. Small Soldiers and Dumb & Dumber are not only awful choices in a general sense - they’re not animated. How can you still call it Cartoon Theater when animation isn’t present? I have to cop to loving The Goonies - but again, it’s not animated and really has no place in our life together. And with tonight’s announcement, I fear you may have struck the final blow.
Please - for the sake of my heart - please, please, please reconsider the addition of Saved By The Bell to the Adult Swim line up. If you don’t, I honestly don’t know if I can go on loving you, and that saddens me more than you will ever understand. I will always want to be friends - but I might just start spending more time with Nicktoons. He’s a poor man’s substitute, to be sure, but Invader Zim and Angry Beavers can be enough to help ease the pain, if need be.
(Though it may be that “Saved By The Bell” is a joke - please, oh please, let it be - I still maintain that showing live action on the channel is a BAD thing overall.)
** Edited a bit later to add: I am such a geek. If you are a cartoon lover like me, and you agree, please take a moment to sign my petition to Cartoon Network. Yes, I know this is not a life altering sort of thing and it shouldn’t matter that much to me, but it does. I love my cartoons.
Its probably not a joke supposedly Adult Swim is also going to be showing Mr. T and the Chuck Norris cartoons as jokes as well.
Said by Joe April 10, 2006 at about 4:56 am
Actually, they already showed those on April Fools’ from what I’ve read. (Saturday is the one day I never watch, since it’s usually all anime, so I didn’t see it.) For a week or two they were showing the old Gary Coleman cartoon and the Globetrotters cartoon in the wee hours. They’re awful shows, but compelling in a nostalgic sort of way.
And those are at least cartoons!
I’m still holding on to the hope that it’s a really unfunny joke.
Said by Mel April 10, 2006 at about 10:39 am
Maybe it will be a one time thing. I know over at Toon Zone, the forums have been full of complaints about this. I’m okay with them showing live action movies if they are cartoony. The only movies I see as actually being viable are Who Framed Roger Rabbit and the Mask or since they have access to the old MGM cartoons would it kill them to air the Phantom Tollbooth with its Fifth Dimension-esque soundtrack?
Said by Joe April 10, 2006 at about 7:33 pm
Cartoon Network Lament…
Click through for a lament on the state of Cartoon Network…….
Trackback by Cartoon Central April 11, 2006 at about 2:01 am
Two words for you… Mike Lazzo
Said by This Girl I Used to know April 11, 2006 at about 8:53 am
Well I guess o’le top has his own horror story, I have become a country music fan. How did this travesty of art and function occur ( hey the music, some is actually good ), because some gray haired suit believes he knows the pulse and in a momentous lost touch of reality turned away from MTv, you know videos, and VH1, again where’s the vids. So to get a music video fix I had to turn to GAC, who actually plays vids all day.
Where will I go to get a cartoon fix? An all day good for everyone, “hey I can watch with the kids” shit?
Then there is HBO, is Bill Maher a full length movie, is the Soprano’s no more than a network series? Sex in the City? Thank god that barfbag left, now if only Parker would do the honors of following it.
I’m edgy, trying to do the unleaded in my coffee routine because there may not be much to stay up for any longer.
Fly, thanks for being here, I googled this Saved by the bell cartoon network travesty and found you.
Thanks again.
-=topper=-
Said by topper April 13, 2006 at about 4:21 am